I decided I would find a place or record the last couple weeks journey.. not to rehash dumb fears, but as a memory place of God's faithfulness to me... this is where delete and flush just might come in pretty handy...
I will start with the radiation treatments.. the scariest place I'd never thought I'd ever ever go. Didn't I research it 30 years ago, and conclude that i would NEVER do that?
So they truly bolt my head to the table, and strap a covering over my head so it is pinned to the table. OOOOH! can we say claustrophobia and hysteria!!! When they leave the room so as not to get exposed, it is just God and me alone... He fills me with peace and comfort.. even in the middle of the hissing snapping lights that sound like the hiss of a Creepy Frankenstein's Jacob's ladder display,,, And I lie there calmly with My Jesus... He is so present... So faithful...
The radiation is toxic (Duh). The websites say that everyone's epithelial tissue gets wrecked... and doesn't always come back... I felt it get so ugly the first few days. he other patients talked about the ever present months of mouth sores. OH how that scared me... But no. The epithiel tissue healed, and feels like it's holding it's own. Thank you Jesus for Good epitheliel tissue Where I didn't even expect it!
I got thrush (another side effect that is common and just has to be ameliorated with endless drugs...) When my babies were tiny and they got thrush, I would just pour capsules of acidopholus down their throats, and smear it on the thrush... So when the thrush showed up, they gave me this super strength wash for it. It stung, tasted like hand lotion in my mouth (can we say, EEEEW!), and was full of yucky stuff! I asked the Dr if I could try to skip it. He was doubtful, but said we could try. The acidophilus is holding its own with the thrush. shrinking, not getting uglier. Thank You Jesus. You care about even the tiny things that matter to me. Even the tiniest. Thank you Jesus.
They did blood tests and found some elevated white blood cells, and threw antibiotics at it! I hate antibiotics! I'd rather be sick for weeks than just throw a course of antiobiotics at something! Trust, Denise. The antibiotic course is almost over, and I am no worse for the wear! Thank You Jesus...
My appetite is amazing. I learned this week that half of my appetite is the steroids. Oh.... I am still grateful for the appetite and Doris' amazing cooking. I could tell you what she fixes each night.. but the envy might lead to coveting. Just like a little French woman, each day she travels to the local dollar stores (Truly!), and buys meat and vegetable bargains, and then cooks amazing three or four dollar dinners that are perfect and gourmet...Thank you for Doris Jesus. Thank you a million times for her...
My biggest prayer a week ago was for my Sloan Kettering Doctor to have fun...Do science, follow His protocols of treatment, but to have fun at the wonder of God and science. Oh Jesus! You went over the Top on that one! I will treasure that Docto'r's face in my minds eye forever... as he told about his so far evaluation of my progress and his hope for my outcome...Thank you Jesus! That was amazing!
My sleep is still robbed by steroids. Bummer. Trust Denise. God is so good to you. Even this will come out fine...
My one Huge request is patience. The treatment is not a sprint... but a marathon to be won.. I like fast things... slow and steady IS NOT MY PACE. Ever. Jesus. Give me grace For a marathon.. no self pity, no chafing at the foreverness of it. Just trust in Your timing.. daily...
Thank you Bill, for what you've been modeling. God is so good at demonstrating His true nature. He is always in a good mood, always for us... always wanting to show us "On earth as it is in heaven." Thank you Bill. For the amazing lessons. we are so blessed to be part of your vision and church at Bethel...
No comments:
Post a Comment