Monday, February 7, 2011

What matters to me matters to God... Bill Johnson

I had a silly afternoon today. While it's probably so , I thought I'd write about it and share...I guess at the risk of making this long and disjointed, I am going to back up and share how I fell down this rabbit hole six weeks ago... then I will tell about my silly day..

Working full time as an online instructor for a virtual school at CAVA had a learning curve that was amazing ... Amazing.. impossible...challenging.stressful... crazy... yup...crazy. Six short weeks ago I was strolling on a filed trip, on the Hawaiian Chieftan, later meeting with students..and loving parts of my job !!! (Sheesh!).

I drove back from Sacramento, and felt ...odd... Is that faint tingly feeling stress? Me trying just a little too hard??? Stress can do funny things you know.. High blood pressure maybe ??? Um... never had it. but there's always a first time right? Couldn't find Eli's cuff from EMT days... So I walked to the Safeway. Hmmmm. Machine said 160 over 90 ish. Wow. maybe someone could just tell me  about this at the ER...

So we strolled over there on Saturday aft... I have a hot tip for you ER newbies : If ever you don't feel like waiting in a long line, just say, " I feel tingly..." Boom. You go to the head of the line, as they start looking for signs of heart, stroke, scary stuff.. A while later, they scheduled for a cat scan, and looked at the results... Maybe a bit more than little stress... Showed a spot of blood in the brain...(BLOOD ? BLOOD ? REALLY?). So they admitted me...really? for a tingly feeling?

The next morning's MRI came back, knocking our lives askew. Just in a flash... not stroke.. heart... but a ticking impossible time bomb...Wow. Visible..clear and undeniable in the picture... Suddenly, all of my priorities just altered... forever...all because of a little tingly feeling...  sheesh...

Kinda strange. I call it proprioreceptors. If I am not looking at my rght side, I can't feel where my hand is. Up in the air? At my side? wiggling? Maybe...But if am looking, I know just where it is.. right there silly! Not paralyzed... just playing a bizarre game of "Hide and seek" Use when looking at it, take your eyes off and it gets strange and iffy... That's so hard to describe... just freaky.

Anyway, there ya go. No blinding headaches... vision blindness, agonizing pain... just tingly right side with annoying proprioceptors that play hide and seek...

A couple of days ago I started wondering how in the world I was going to take care of my fingernails.. I Know, I Know.. what an insignficant tiny thing... Brain cancer.. and I'm wondering about fingernails ?? But really...Fter five weeks, I started wondering... I am trying to retool and train myself to be left handed... Just like you did for fun in about thrird grade... Eat, cut food, write, Sign important legal documents with the wrong (but working hand)..Trying to retool it for myself... Pretty fast..

But I don't know if you ever noticed, but nail clippers just don't work like that. I could never get them to work well in the wrong hand... Kind of , but not really... So I started wondering about how I was going to do that tiny detail... Besides... I don't even like clippers. My one girlie thing.. I like FILED fingers... a lot. Pretty dainty tapered...polish.. matching toes..Girlie stuff... Totally silly girly stuff.

Examining my options...Ask Eli to just chop and hack... Utilitarian, Ugly, Painful, and definitely not girlie (the proprioceptors feel slightly battered when in use and playing hide and seek). Ask 83 year old Doris to help? Um... probably not...  So there I was in a  tiny pickle, and wondering about something so shallow and insignificant, but still silly important to little me. Does the divine clockmaker that set the stars in order care about my silly fingernails???

Here is my conclusion: He cares. About even the tiny details. He just cares about the details, big and little, that makes up our lives. He longs for a relationship where we can fellowship with Him about whatever matters... Big worries that He longs to completely carry for us.. Tiny things He longs to make easy for us... Like Santa Claus ? No, Not at all.  Like a loving lavish Father who longs to interact with us, and find ways of saying ,"you're

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