Monday, February 7, 2011

Two Ruminations

Hello friends...

I had two things that I was just burning to share with you. The first is a question I am asking myself at the oddest times of the day... in the middle of the night...

Is God ALWAYS good, or are three times when He is slightly capricious, and really not all for my good? The answer seems to be needed to be settled... Either He is a good God, and always loves me, always is powerful, and always perfect towards me, or we serve a weak God.

You know that old hymn, "There is no shadow of turning with Thee.... Thou changest not, thy compassions, they fail not..."  Is that true of the God I've been serving? Do I really believe that all the time, even during radiation when my head is strapped to the table in the radiation room, and i am alone and don't like it? is God still for me then, when it doesn't look like it?

I have decided that the fight to preserve that place in my heart is worth a lot. He is always good. He always loves us... always does good. His compassions for us never fail. Never. No turning, no nuances of "Not today...God's just too busy honey...tomorrow He will be nicer.."    just doesn't work as a good model of an all powerful God to serve and revere. That's my quest... To stay in that place of absolutely abandon that He is good all the time.

I wanted to tell you about Doris, Eli's Godmother. You remember... This was the one..".Hello Doris...Um, I know we aren't good at remembering birthdays and Christmases, but could we live with you a few months... um tomorrow night...Fine... "

We got here, and she tried to figure out how we could make it work nicely. We could help with grocery money (she wanted a pitifully small amount each week for groceries...). Turns out, this woman, somewhat up in her 80's is a huge part of God's lavish plan for my good. I do not always understand His extravagence, but I am weepy with gratitude to Him for it.

The first day at the clinic, the kind other other patients were sharing their strategies for weight.. shakes, nausea strategies, drops, no appetite, and food tasting awful... etc. It was a bit scary. Ok. a lot scary...

Reality, where I am currently resting is again lavish from a good God. I came to realize that I think again it is the prayers of so many that make this walk a bit almost over the top... too full of grace ??? She cooks amazingly delicious meals. I can't come close to describing the delight of it.

I realized yesterday that instead of fighting to get an appetite, I have never enjoyed each taste more. Never. I am eating lavishly at His banqueting table. It is so rich, and I am so grateful... Again, a crazy extravagent loving God...

Let's see...

Pray for my children. (um...please?). Heather now has a plan for what to study at school, and that is a relief to me. It's a little hard being 1000 miles away ...   Isaac leaves for basic training in the Air Force in less than two weeks...  Pray for Hannah at Central Valley High School...(please).

Ian and his wife made it safely across the country... He already has a job lined up in Redding...   Thank you Jesus... for every detail!

Pray for my Man. He is such a good guy. Such a rock. So FULL of faith.

Thank you for your prayers. We love you.

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